How Long Should I/You Grieve….

How Long Should I Grieve? (from Memory Bears by Bonnie. Follow Link below)

How long should you grieve is complicated if you read ten different opinions in ten different books. It is complicated if you listen to well-meaning family and friends.

The answer to the question of how long one should grieve is as numerous as there are hearts that are broken by personal loss.

Grief, like love, will last your lifetime. It will be intense in the beginning, then as each day turns into weeks, then months, your grief will find a place in your life. As long as you live, you will remember your loved one…and you will grieve. (Bonnie)

http://memorybearsbybonnie.wordpress.com/2012/10/29/how-long-should-i-grieve-2/

—As I see it, I need not be ashamed of loving Ron so much that the grief doesn’t ever stop. I am not weak because I still cry. I am not a failure because I still love. And neither are you… Brenda J Wood

 

Headway in Grief

If I can’t have life with Ron here  then this life I am living is the next best thing. I am busy but content.

There are some who question my recovery. They wonder why I still occasionally cry.  They only see the random drops that take effect without my permission. I wonder what they would say if they knew about the private ones. I will not apologise because I miss the love of my life.

I am making some headway in my healing. From the example of others in the same boat, I’ve learned to lean on God, take care to cook proper meals, exercise, reach out to others, go to an event or two alone.

I look at married couples who seem to thrive on bickering, insulting  and back biting one another. I want to scream at them…some day you will regret this.

I look at those who are loving one another  like Ron and I did, and I want to say…”yes, you have it right…but remember, one day you will be me. Nourish and care for one another even more that you do now, because some day, you too will be alone and wonder why you didn’t pour even more life into your marriage.)

Brenda Wood, author & speaker
Meeting Myself, Snippets from a Binging and Bulging Mind
 The Big Red Chair-storybook for grieving children
 Heartfelt-366 Devotions for Common Sense Living
God, Gluttony & You, the Bible Study

 

 

Setting the Bar. from Everydaychristian.com

I want you to know that whatever you are going through right now, you can survive it and even at some point begin to thrive again, because God is enough. Just over a year since my heart break and little by little, I am healing. The scars remain but if I don’t pick at them too much, I can get through the day.

When I started a ‘thank you’ page listing those who made this journey a bit easier, I ran out of room. They listen, let me cry, bring meals and invite me to events, pray for and with me. They read books on grief so that they can relate. They hug and write notes and e-mails, keep in contact one way or another.

But especially I thank those who already walk this road of grief. You know what it feels like to be alone, to feel unprotected, and to learn new skills and responsibilities. You understand when I say I don’t feel like I belong anywhere anymore. You set the bar for recovery

For instance, a cousin lost his wife about the same time. This week he made a point of eating dinner out at a nice restaurant. To his surprise he found lots of people eat alone. So that is my new goal.

To sum this all up, God is sufficient and He works through people. This verse says it all.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5-All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.

Prayer: Dear God of Healing Comfort, thank you for all you are and for your people who in so many small /large ways help others when they can…even in their own pain. For Christ. Amen.

Uncovered

I can’t believe it’s a year already. No one told me the journey would be so hard or that I would feel so exposed.

Jeremiah 10:19 -Woe is me for my hurt! My wound is grievous: but I said, Truly this is a grief, and I must bear it” (KJV).

Perhaps other widows said something but if they did, I don’t recall their words. I do however remember the look in their eyes. That should have given me a hint. We who had been loved and cherished find ourselves suddenly uncovered; that is unprotected, exposed to the world because our man is gone. Thank God for the One who is willing to take up that stance for us.

Isaiah 54:4-6a- Fear not, for you shall not be ashamed; neither be confounded and depressed, for you shall not be put to shame. For you shall forget the shame of your youth, and you shall not [seriously] remember the reproach of your widowhood any more.  For your Maker is your Husband—the Lord of hosts is His name—and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; the God of the whole earth He is called. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken, grieved in spirit, and heart sore—even a wife [wooed and won] in youth(AMP).

So my dearest Ronald…We rejoice with you as you enjoy heaven, even though our hearts continue to miss you. We strive to be the family you cared so well for, because you were always the beloved Husband, Dad and Afi we needed. You need not worry about us. God is covering for you…Love from Brenda and family.

Prayer- Thank you God that you are both Comfort and Covering for those struggling through grief. You can’t believe how grateful we are…In Christ. Amen

A Day Like No Other

I am supposed to expect a terrible day tomorrow because Ron died a year ago on August 22nd. Apparently I am supposed to finally realize Ron is not coming back. Quite frankly, I figured that out the day he died.

The truth is that God has been excessively faithful to me for the last 364 days. I doubt that will change on day 365.

Instead of mourning, I determine to thank God for our wonderful years together. I thank God that Ron is free from pain and suffering.

I  thank God for loving family, friends ,neighbours and even strangers, who cared for me in so many ways these last months.

Heartache is love with no where to go. (Margaret Brownly-Grieving God’s Way.)

Firsts Keep Showing Up.

So this week-end I attended both a funeral and a fiftieth wedding anniversary. Not a great combination. Thankfully found myself surrounded by good friends/family at each occasion. I saved my worst reactions for home alone. Still recovering in some ways.

And there is nothing to do but just keep walking forward into the pain because if we don’t, God can’t get a grasp on it to sooth it with his grace.

Oh  but for the grace of God, what would ever we do?

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17-  Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace,  comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work.

Brenda J Wood

Grace in the midst of Grief

Mondays are difficult. I notice the emptiness more for some reason and my heart is especially heavy today. So instead of eating, I write. The TV blares behind me but I don’t really hear America’s Got Talent blaring in the background.

That is, I don’t listen until I hear the words to this song.

…If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I love her? Will she know how much I care……

And the grace of God pours over me again as I listen to the words of the song Ron chose for his funeral service.

Making a Difference-Gina Kelly Ellis

Many fellow grief sufferers offer me encouragement. Here is a note from my new friend, Gina, who reads my daily devotionals at everydaychristian.com

I am a mid-fifties Christian, grandmother, cotton-farmer in West Texas. I graduated from Texas Tech University. I’ve been a widow for nearly 12 years. It is still so fresh everyday to see how God carries me and my family through this. My weekly column  “Making a Difference” runs in several Texas newspapers. And making a difference is what I want my life to always be about.

I wrote this about a month after Mike died. I wavered so often between absolute terror and peace. In the end, peace usually won out.

The closeness I had to God after Mike was gone continues to be one of my most precious memories. I hope that it doesn’t take another tragedy for me to continue to follow God so easily.I thought perhaps God wanted me to share it with you. I know a bit about what you are going through. Know that you are in my prayers daily.

I hope others can be blessed by this. Thank you so much for what you do and for being my very first read nearly every morning!

Proverbs 3:5-6- Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths (KJV)..

He shall direct my path…

Well, you know God this is not the path I wanted.

I would never have ever chosen this path, but this is where I am.

You have to know, God that while this is not the path I wanted

This is the path where you have placed me. It is the path where You are.

And I find that I want to be nowhere else but with You.

 

As we walk the path upon which You have placed us,

We look with eyes wide open and eyes wide with wonder

At what You have before us. And there is a calm.

To others, this path looks hard, and it is. It looks difficult to travel, and it is.

But to me God, it has become a joyous of journey of watching You work.

A journey full of faith and miracles.

As I watch my Father map it out, it becomes a journey full of bright hope

A journey full of amazement at the goodness of my God.

“Oh Father, Keep my eyes wide open. Keep my ears tuned to You.

Keep my feet moving securely For I want to miss no part of this journey that is ours.”

Gina Kelly Ellis  gck9454@aol.com

All I can add to this is….me too. Amen

Dodgers

The doctor says that grief is getting out of hand when we put things off, so she asks me questions like: have you sent the tax forms, paid your bills, and so on…

I am not dodging the big things. They need doing so I do them, but when little things show up, like dishes into the dishwasher, vacuuming the floor, washing down the cupboard doors and so on…I’m not so prompt, although I do eventually do these (quite boring) things.

Oh is that my grief showing? I panic. Then I remember that I didn’t like to do that stuff before Ron died either. Maybe my issue is not grief recovery but total dislike of housework…

I’d rather write…so I do.