Uncovered

I can’t believe it’s a year already. No one told me the journey would be so hard or that I would feel so exposed.

Jeremiah 10:19 -Woe is me for my hurt! My wound is grievous: but I said, Truly this is a grief, and I must bear it” (KJV).

Perhaps other widows said something but if they did, I don’t recall their words. I do however remember the look in their eyes. That should have given me a hint. We who had been loved and cherished find ourselves suddenly uncovered; that is unprotected, exposed to the world because our man is gone. Thank God for the One who is willing to take up that stance for us.

Isaiah 54:4-6a- Fear not, for you shall not be ashamed; neither be confounded and depressed, for you shall not be put to shame. For you shall forget the shame of your youth, and you shall not [seriously] remember the reproach of your widowhood any more.  For your Maker is your Husband—the Lord of hosts is His name—and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; the God of the whole earth He is called. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken, grieved in spirit, and heart sore—even a wife [wooed and won] in youth(AMP).

So my dearest Ronald…We rejoice with you as you enjoy heaven, even though our hearts continue to miss you. We strive to be the family you cared so well for, because you were always the beloved Husband, Dad and Afi we needed. You need not worry about us. God is covering for you…Love from Brenda and family.

Prayer- Thank you God that you are both Comfort and Covering for those struggling through grief. You can’t believe how grateful we are…In Christ. Amen

A Day Like No Other

I am supposed to expect a terrible day tomorrow because Ron died a year ago on August 22nd. Apparently I am supposed to finally realize Ron is not coming back. Quite frankly, I figured that out the day he died.

The truth is that God has been excessively faithful to me for the last 364 days. I doubt that will change on day 365.

Instead of mourning, I determine to thank God for our wonderful years together. I thank God that Ron is free from pain and suffering.

I  thank God for loving family, friends ,neighbours and even strangers, who cared for me in so many ways these last months.

Heartache is love with no where to go. (Margaret Brownly-Grieving God’s Way.)

Firsts Keep Showing Up.

So this week-end I attended both a funeral and a fiftieth wedding anniversary. Not a great combination. Thankfully found myself surrounded by good friends/family at each occasion. I saved my worst reactions for home alone. Still recovering in some ways.

And there is nothing to do but just keep walking forward into the pain because if we don’t, God can’t get a grasp on it to sooth it with his grace.

Oh  but for the grace of God, what would ever we do?

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17-  Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace,  comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work.

Brenda J Wood

Grace in the midst of Grief

Mondays are difficult. I notice the emptiness more for some reason and my heart is especially heavy today. So instead of eating, I write. The TV blares behind me but I don’t really hear America’s Got Talent blaring in the background.

That is, I don’t listen until I hear the words to this song.

…If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I love her? Will she know how much I care……

And the grace of God pours over me again as I listen to the words of the song Ron chose for his funeral service.

Making a Difference-Gina Kelly Ellis

Many fellow grief sufferers offer me encouragement. Here is a note from my new friend, Gina, who reads my daily devotionals at everydaychristian.com

I am a mid-fifties Christian, grandmother, cotton-farmer in West Texas. I graduated from Texas Tech University. I’ve been a widow for nearly 12 years. It is still so fresh everyday to see how God carries me and my family through this. My weekly column  “Making a Difference” runs in several Texas newspapers. And making a difference is what I want my life to always be about.

I wrote this about a month after Mike died. I wavered so often between absolute terror and peace. In the end, peace usually won out.

The closeness I had to God after Mike was gone continues to be one of my most precious memories. I hope that it doesn’t take another tragedy for me to continue to follow God so easily.I thought perhaps God wanted me to share it with you. I know a bit about what you are going through. Know that you are in my prayers daily.

I hope others can be blessed by this. Thank you so much for what you do and for being my very first read nearly every morning!

Proverbs 3:5-6- Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths (KJV)..

He shall direct my path…

Well, you know God this is not the path I wanted.

I would never have ever chosen this path, but this is where I am.

You have to know, God that while this is not the path I wanted

This is the path where you have placed me. It is the path where You are.

And I find that I want to be nowhere else but with You.

 

As we walk the path upon which You have placed us,

We look with eyes wide open and eyes wide with wonder

At what You have before us. And there is a calm.

To others, this path looks hard, and it is. It looks difficult to travel, and it is.

But to me God, it has become a joyous of journey of watching You work.

A journey full of faith and miracles.

As I watch my Father map it out, it becomes a journey full of bright hope

A journey full of amazement at the goodness of my God.

“Oh Father, Keep my eyes wide open. Keep my ears tuned to You.

Keep my feet moving securely For I want to miss no part of this journey that is ours.”

Gina Kelly Ellis  gck9454@aol.com

All I can add to this is….me too. Amen

Dodgers

The doctor says that grief is getting out of hand when we put things off, so she asks me questions like: have you sent the tax forms, paid your bills, and so on…

I am not dodging the big things. They need doing so I do them, but when little things show up, like dishes into the dishwasher, vacuuming the floor, washing down the cupboard doors and so on…I’m not so prompt, although I do eventually do these (quite boring) things.

Oh is that my grief showing? I panic. Then I remember that I didn’t like to do that stuff before Ron died either. Maybe my issue is not grief recovery but total dislike of housework…

I’d rather write…so I do.

Blues Clues

Remember that kid show called something similar?

Well I am about to tell you the Brenda’s inner child version of blues.

Avoidance, tears, tears, self-pity, over-tired, not writing, tears……food abuse. ( I saya to myself, why not abuse food it has abused me for years!!)

I could go on but why bore you unmercifully…..

Anyway the good thing is that common sense eventally reared its head….and not a minute too soon!

Back on track

Proverbs 3:21-26-The Message

[ Never Walk Away ]  Dear friend, guard Clear Thinking and Common Sense with your life;  don’t for a minute lose sight of them.  They’ll keep your soul alive and well,  they’ll keep you fit and attractive.  You’ll travel safely,  you’ll neither tire nor trip.  You’ll take afternoon naps without a worry,  you’ll enjoy a good night’s sleep.  No need to panic over alarms or surprises,  or predictions that doomsday’s just around the corner,  Because God will be right there with you;  he’ll keep you safe and sound.