I’m just re-surfacing after a long bout of eye washing. You see,I’m editing ‘ The Pregnant Pause of Grief ‘ for the final time before it goes to print. I feel the emotions all over again as though it were yesterday. If it has the same effect on you as it has on me, Canada will be awash in waves come March.
Brenda J Wood
Remember that kid show called something similar?
Well I am about to tell you the Brenda’s inner child version of blues.
Avoidance, tears, tears, self-pity, over-tired, not writing, tears……food abuse. ( I saya to myself, why not abuse food it has abused me for years!!)
I could go on but why bore you unmercifully…..
Anyway the good thing is that common sense eventally reared its head….and not a minute too soon!
Back on track
Proverbs 3:21-26-The Message
[ Never Walk Away ] Dear friend, guard Clear Thinking and Common Sense with your life; don’t for a minute lose sight of them. They’ll keep your soul alive and well, they’ll keep you fit and attractive. You’ll travel safely, you’ll neither tire nor trip. You’ll take afternoon naps without a worry, you’ll enjoy a good night’s sleep. No need to panic over alarms or surprises, or predictions that doomsday’s just around the corner, Because God will be right there with you; he’ll keep you safe and sound.
Up early and ready for church, I am confident that I will not cry today. I say to myself, this is a good day. I can go to church and not be weeping all over everybody.
So sure am I that I go into the building with no thought, no guard up for the simple “How are you?” that
everyone asks everyone. The first person who speaks to me gets a gush of choking tears.
Where do they come from? Isn’t there a reservoir in a person that just eventually runs dry? Apparently not in me unless it is in disarray and the taps are turned on full and the plug is not in the tub.
My first thought is that I must start avoiding these places where I cry. Then I think, how will I ever heal if I avoid the friends and family who love me and care about me? If I stop coming I have lost a huge support
system. What advantage is that to me? No I must learn to let the tears go where they will. What a silly statement. I can’t make them stop no matter what I do.Tears have a life of their own and mine seem livelier than some.
It is November and I am NaNo-ing as I mentioned. I had to work this am and so am just sitting down this very minute to write out my heart songs for you.
But first I decorated the little spruce tree on the north side of the yard. One of our trees died and the staff here came to replace it about ten days before Ron died. He was able to sit at the breakfast table and
watch it going in.
I watched too. “We’ll decorate it for Christmas this year,” I said.
Ron didn’t answer, but later I heard him tell his coffee buddy that “Brenda says we’ll decorate it this year.
He isn’t here but that little tree is standing bravely forth in its first holiday suit. Red bows, glittering baubles and lights festoon it into merriness. And I cried when I finished because I had so hoped it would be a ‘we’ project….