Poached Tears

When I came back from working the afternoon Weight Watchers class, I found the house empty. In my ordinary life, Ron would have had a pot of potatoes on the boil and some kind of beef (his preference) on the BBQ. I’d push for a vegetable and maybe a salad and we’d each eat a little of the other’s choice, secretly grateful for our own.

But today, there was silence and me. As women do, I’ve been eating the stuff in the fridge that is close to expiry date or that has been sitting too long. I decided on poached eggs. I like them; Ron didn’t. An egg meal meant I’d cook his scrambled or whatever, first….not because he demanded it , but because that is how women love. We feed others and then ourselves. That meant that my meal tended to be on the cool side. I didn’t notice nor really care..

So I poached up those eggs. They were the best I’d ever eaten. Hot, seasoned perfectly. And I cried, because I’d willingly eat cold eggs forever…if only I could have my Honey here.

Brenda J Wood

http://heartfeltdevotionals.wordpress.com

Paperwork Waits for No Man

McLelland & Slessor Funeral Home, Service Canada and Service Ontario made it all seem so easy.

The world of paper waits for no man (or woman.) Papers must be signed. Ohip cards and licenses cancelled, pensions reorganized, OAS notified and Canada Pension plans thought through.

Today I cancelled my Honey’s life.

I did it alone, not because I am some sort of spiritual warrior but because I wanted to. It seemed to me that those things were personal and private, and deserved a wifely touch.

I warn you, it does make the pain more intense. Until I did all this paper work, part of me could pretend it wasn’t so.

On paper, my Ron is in the past tense. He used to be a fellow who needed health insurance, a driving license, a passport and a social insurance number.

In my heart he still lives very much in the present.

Brenda J Wood

http://heartfeltdevotionals.wordpress.com

Ron’s Farewell Gift to Us

My DH (darling husband) Ron’s celebration service was all we wanted it to be.  Country music star, Walt Daly,  our neighbour and friend, sang this song as the closing tribute. However he sang it from Ron to all of us…”will they know how much I loved them.” I don’t have a video of Walt but thanks to Carley, here is the song by another performer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGEzo-VCtmc

Remember that you are loved. Tell someone today that you love them……

Brenda J Wood

http://heartfeltdevotionals.wordpress.com

Ron’s Special Day

Today is Ron’s special day. It is the day we’ll all talk about what a great guy he is (sorry-Sometimes I forget and talk in present tense.) We will share memories with one another. Then we will all eat birthday cake. (Yes, you heard  right. I ordered ten cakes from Costco. They say “Welcome Home.”) After all, we are celebrating the day he went to be with Jesus.

Ron thoroughly disliked  ‘funeral’ food. Musty tuna salad with mayo and pickles, ham chopped up beyond recognition, egg salad without onion, and phoney turkey  made him leery. He would say, “There’s hardly ever a decent roast beef sandwich in the lot.”

Of course there’s always squares. Diabetics don’t eat squares. You can see why he often talked of a Wendy’s burger after these occasions.

So that is our day. After the cake we will all go home. Most everyone will chat on the way. They will discuss how awful the food was, how great the music, and how maudlin the family speeches.

But today, I drive in lonely silence toward  a lonely home.

Brenda J Wood

http://heartfeltdevotionals.wordpess.com

How Do I Love Thee?

You brought food. You cut our grass. You shaved Ron because he couldn’t do it himself (and because I only do legs.) You covered for me at work.

You left sweet messages on the phone. “Don’t worry about calling back. Just wanted to tell you that we love you.” You sent cards with encouraging Bible verses. You helped me lift and turn Ron so that he would be a bit more comfortable.

You picked up perscriptions, and shopped for essentials. You brought flowers to cheer us. You delivered  all kinds of medical equipment to make Ron’s last days more bearable.

You brought your guitars and sang us songs of joy and comfort.

You lowered the flag in our yard to half-mast.

You visited and shared funny stories. You encouraged us. You prayed with us and for us.

“What is that you have in your hand, ” asks God?

And you answered him with your talents of giving, baking, writing , thoughtness, encouragement and more.

You gave us time. The things you did let me spend every minute with Ron. I didn’t have to cook or think about house upkeep or shopping trips. You were Jesus with skin.  You didn’t just talk the talk, you walked the walk.

You cared about us more than you cared about yourself. You took the gift God gave you and you gave it to us.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways? For us, they are beyond measure.

Brenda J Wood

http://heartfeltdevotionals.wordpress.com

 

The Deafening Silence of Noise

Most moms learn to tiptoe in the mornings so that everyone else sleeps in. This means we can have a shower without short people yelling “Mommy, Mommy”, under the bathroom door. It might mean we get our first sip of coffee without questions like “Where are my sneakers,”  or “Honey, did you do the laundry? I can’t find any clean underwear.) As time goes on, we get used to this silence. It becomes our way of life.

Hubby works late and we shush the children so he can sleep in on a Saturday. Or maybe he finally gets a chance at an afternoon nap and we herd the crowd to the backyard. A teenager may not be at their best of a morning, so we whisper through the early hours because it is more peaceful for everybody.

When Ron and I retired to our little house in Innisfil, I continued this habit. Ron seldom had enough sleep through the night and I’ve always been a 5 am kind of gal. I made my coffee by the light of the fridge door so that the overhead kitchen light wouldn’t glare toward the back and wake him. I sometimes read by flashlight. I took a shower after he awoke.

When cancer entered our life, that quiet silence became even more necessary. Even though Ron’s hearing began to fail badly, noise desturbed him. I set the TV so that I could read the words on the screen.  I turned the ringer down on the living room phone. I closed the windows against traffic.

Today I slammed a cupboard door by mistake…and listened for Ron’s feet to hit the floor in the bedroom.

And felt my loss in a new way…..because now my silence doesn’t matter…..so I guess it is ok then, to cry aloud.

Brenda J Wood

http://heartfeltdevotionals.wordpress.com

Why Not Healed?

I remember reading a story about a magical monkey’s paw that gave each owner three wishes.Eventually it came into the hands of a couple reeling with grief after they’d lost their son in a mutilating accident. They struggled with their wishes. I forget the first two; wealth or some such thing. Then they left the paw on the mantle, each secretly wanting the  courage to wish their son back.

Finally, the mom, in trememdous emotional agony, grabbed the paw and made that fatal wish.

There arose a frightening gasp as the earth split and yielded up the boy from his grave. They heard a dragging foot, wails of pain and more…..as the son returned, looking just as awful as when they buried him.

I always thought it was a stupid story. Why didn’t they plan ahead? Why didn’t they use the other wishes correctly? Why didn’t they ask for the son to be healed or else leave well enough alone?

I prayed for DH (Darling Husband) Ron to be healed.And by God’s Grace, no monkey paw included…he was. No more pain, suffering or sorrow. Right now, he is still shaking hands with all those who went before..but only after sitting on God’s lap and soaking in God’s love.

Brenda J Wood

http://heartfeltdevotionals.wordpress.com

Happy Birthday Ronald

Valiant Warrior, Ronald Melvin Wood joined his Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, on August 22, 2011.

We invite you to wear John Deere colours  as we celebrate this momentous  occasion at Barrie Free Methodist Church, 284 Cundles Road E, Barrie,  Sunday, August 28, 1:30 p.m.

Instead of flowers, donations in Ron’s memory are appreciated at Barrie Free Methodist Church or the cancer unit at Royal Victoria Hospital, Barrie

Special thanks to the Saint Elizabeth Health Care nurses, friends and family whose many loving kindnesses allowed Ron to be at home.

Happy Birthday, Ronald

Brenda J. Wood,

Phil & Judith Barratt Dan and Lorisa

Charles & Tabetha Wood, Kaia, Quinn and Corran

How Can Things be the Same?

How can things be the same when they are so different? Ron and I are still together in our little house. The family came to be with us yesterday. Charles and Tabetha brought lunch. Judith and I ate our standared white chicken with baked potato. Ron rested. The grandchildren play high-spirited games around our feet. This is all familiar to us.

But now Ron rests in a hospital bed, on morphine for pain, seldom conscious. The grands look at Afi (Icelandic for Grandpa) and say..Afi sleeping. Night Afi. and go on playing and trusting and expecting their parents to keep things right.

And the adults? We cry some, reminise some, fear some……while the grands, knowing they are loved…trust in that love.

Eventually the rest of us remember that we are loved too. We know Jesus. We have right relationships with God……and we determine  to trust him…because he makes all things right–even when everything seems so wrong…

Brenda J Wood http://heartfeltdevotionals.wordpress.com